tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14884317486752247722024-03-12T20:31:47.269-07:00MehJohn Doehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08142751991159314073noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1488431748675224772.post-6647644232881930752012-09-21T04:21:00.001-07:002012-09-21T04:21:21.444-07:00Friday<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Helv; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helv;">Ok, before the weekend i guess Id better put something in the blog as i dont think <st1:state w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Ill</st1:place></st1:state> get the chance to do anything over the next 2 days.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Helv; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helv;">So, what to say.... I have been listening to the audiobook of Stephen Kings On Writing book recently and I have been finding it by turns excellent and inspiring. I love the way that he approaches the whole experience of writing from a totally honest angle of saying "there are no rules, there is no magic wand". For a long time I have been thinking about doing some writing, for years I have had a number of stories in my head that I have wanted to get down on paper and i think i am getting to the point where i am so fed up with not having done anything, that I feel like I need to do it else I will always regret it and constantly be pissed off.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Helv; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helv;">The thing is that I sit down with good intentions and then find my attention wandering to play games, do something else or moaning internally about how shit my life deels sometimes. I need to have some strength of will and will power that will force me to say to myself that I have to do this, I have to write else I will never do anything. Of course there are plenty of other things in my life that i am pissed off about and yet never do anything about which im sure I will get into at some point.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Helv; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helv;">So the weekend beckons and Im going to bunk off for a few hours before I have to do the school run and play a game...<o:p></o:p></span></div>
John Doehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08142751991159314073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1488431748675224772.post-8073650769499972612012-09-19T02:36:00.001-07:002012-09-19T02:36:54.607-07:00Birthday<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Helv; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helv;">Ok, so yesterday was my birthday, I was 39. Wasnt really much of a day, I had leave from work so I spent it lazing around my flat not doing much of anything. It was exactly what I wanted to do so i cant complain, and Im not... its just that I feel old. Next year I will be 40 and Im not much looking forward to it, despite it being the age when life is supposed to start... what does that mean, that the past 40 years have been a waste?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Helv; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helv;">I was intending to write myself a list of 40 things that I wanted to do before my 40th birthday, and so far I have go upto 26 with no idea what the rest will be or if i will even do the ones that are currently on there, but one of them that I really really want to try to do is to blog more. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Helv; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helv;">When i was a kid i used to write a diary incessantly, i filled 9 books in, i think, 3 years with my ramblings about my life, thoughts, hopes and experiences and i want to get back to doing that again. I have tried this before, as some of the previous entries will testify, but never got far as I either get bored or think that I have nothing to say. Also my life is different now than it was when i was a teenager... I have a son, a girlfriend, a job and an overwhelming need to do nothing. Ennui has become a staple part of my life that i find hard to get rid of now so when I sit down to write about something, even if i have something that I want to express, slackness overtakes me and i end up not bothering... Im amazed Ive got this far.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Helv; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helv;">So, my promise to myself is to try and write here 2 times a week, about what Im not sure, but just something so that I can look back on see what being 39 was all about.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Helv; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Helv;">Im not a particularly happy chap at the moment, so by the end of this I hope to be.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
John Doehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08142751991159314073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1488431748675224772.post-48240894524615020872012-08-22T07:10:00.001-07:002012-08-22T07:10:03.486-07:00ThoughtsToday i went to see Brave and Monday i went to see Ted... i really dont know why i have never thought of doing this before. Its possibly due to the fact that I had a number of people in my office that would have noticed.... leaving to go home early wasnt really an issue most of the time, but popping out for a few hours in the morning and then leaving early as well might have pissed people off... not that they could have said anything, being as I was their boss but its best to keep people on side sometimes. <br />
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Brave was excellent, Ted was good... but the thing I am noticing more and more is that going to the cinema on my own, whilst it is quite nice, is a bit lonely... I dont mind it, and i can react as i want, eat what I want and enjoy it "how" i want but not having someone there when I come out to talk about the flick is a bit sad... that only really applies when the film is good however. <br />
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Oh well... lots of films coming up in the next month to see... Im sure ill cope :-) <br />
John Doehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08142751991159314073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1488431748675224772.post-15807868117122370932012-08-17T02:37:00.001-07:002012-08-17T02:37:47.448-07:00ExpendablesToday's bunking off work film is expendables 2. Not expecting Citizen Kane but as its directed by Simon West who directed Con Air I'm hoping it'll be good. John Doehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08142751991159314073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1488431748675224772.post-63455767125284885592012-08-13T03:17:00.001-07:002012-08-13T03:17:10.990-07:00CinemaI've taken to bunking off work and going to see movies during the day that I don't think the gf would either want to see, or wouldn't enjoy. <br />
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I dont tell anyone that i do this, just go alone. <br />
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I don't really know why I have been doing this, as a guess I would say that its due to constant work boredom and wanting to escape.<br />
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So far I have seen Prometheus, dark knight rises and am currently sitting waiting for the Bourne legacy to start. <br />
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Years ago I remember writing my now ex wife a poem that was called empire the x files and you. It was all about the 3 things in life that I really loved and loped forward to... Nowadays that would be comics, movies and my son. <br />
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I'm so unhappy. John Doehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08142751991159314073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1488431748675224772.post-80891142028678451482012-08-01T03:41:00.000-07:002012-08-01T03:41:13.586-07:00Low<span style="font-family: Helv; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Helv; font-size: x-small;">
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Alot of the time i feel that I would rather be dead. I dislike my job, am not happy at home and miss my son terribly.. i think that if it wasnt for him i would have killed myself long ago.</div>
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i dont know what to do to make myself feel better...</div>
</span></span>John Doehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08142751991159314073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1488431748675224772.post-82256960330549173972012-06-13T09:08:00.001-07:002012-06-13T09:08:51.384-07:00TwitI feel like I may as well use Twitter the amount I actually blog about. Maybe I should... It's more a stream of consciousness thing anyway than anything that makes much sense... John Doehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08142751991159314073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1488431748675224772.post-26116153781558010592012-06-13T05:42:00.000-07:002012-06-13T05:42:23.367-07:00EnoughIve almost got to the point where i have had enough...<br />
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I hate my job, i dont do it properly and most of the time I sit there looking at stuff on the net... not really working.<br />
Ive constantly got a headache from being too tired, going to bed late really doesnt agree with me but i still do it.<br />
Im unhappy and have nothing to say on here.. its not even really a place to vent, as its always the same old stuff that I say over and over again...<br />John Doehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08142751991159314073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1488431748675224772.post-77113939747508281292012-06-09T01:39:00.001-07:002012-06-09T01:39:57.567-07:00MorningSitting in a lay by<br />
Having a macdonalds breakfast <br />
Texting my ex<br />
Waiting to see the boy<br />
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Sad. John Doehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08142751991159314073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1488431748675224772.post-72693916374094564422012-06-07T08:27:00.001-07:002012-06-07T08:27:07.181-07:00FalseMy whole life seems to be a lie... I rarely admit the truth to anyone about what I'm doing, how I feel or what I want... Even my online "life" such as it is is bullshit... <br />
John Doehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08142751991159314073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1488431748675224772.post-39578297166307157602012-05-02T03:23:00.001-07:002012-05-02T03:23:55.091-07:00:-(My mood these days seems to range from being tired and fed up to being fed up and tired with no real let up in between.<br />
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Home life sucks, work likfe sucks and pleasure... what little i get of it at the moment ends up either in a tissue or the end of a sock.<br />
<br />Im trying really hard to be sympathetic with certain people about certain things, but as usual feel that MY feelings are not being considered and i just exist to serve others...<br />
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Fucking irritating, especially as I dont get used to serve others in the way that I would like...<br />
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Life is a bit suckyJohn Doehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08142751991159314073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1488431748675224772.post-8675396398322758052012-04-18T01:59:00.000-07:002012-04-18T01:59:24.306-07:00GrrrrJust when i think im about to get back into wanting to do some blogging, i discover that I can no longer access it on my computer at work without going through some complicated back door process as the browser that I have installed, is no longer supported.<br />
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Still, im managing to write this I guess.<br />
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Saw Cabin in the woods last night, excellent film.<br />
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Still deeply unhappy, and not sex, comics, films, Xbox, work, friends, the boy, food, drink or wanking make me feel any different for long.<br />
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I wish i could pull myself out of this deep sadness (i dont like to class my angst as depression) but I cant.John Doehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08142751991159314073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1488431748675224772.post-44910818942810658682012-03-16T06:50:00.001-07:002012-03-16T06:50:11.275-07:00Friday blues<br />
I really fell that I should blog more... I have many thoughts that whirl around in my head and I think that blogging might help me make some sense of them. Most of the time though I cant be bothered... i currently do very little at work and I could be using this time more productively but I dont... Im tired alot of the time and I think this contributes to me not wishing to really do anything much... <br />
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During my sometimes brief periods of lucidity I think about doing alot of things, but nothing comes to pass... <br />
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Woe is me!!John Doehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08142751991159314073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1488431748675224772.post-26586929884602411702012-02-23T00:33:00.001-08:002012-02-23T00:33:37.661-08:00EarlySitting in a macdonalds waiting for the last day of a course to start... Feel so sad and alone. Checking grindr doesn't help... No one else is up... John Doehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08142751991159314073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1488431748675224772.post-58218193979789505482012-02-19T10:05:00.001-08:002012-02-19T10:05:50.673-08:00HomeAside from a few Grindr messages there was no fun to be had in London :-(John Doehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08142751991159314073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1488431748675224772.post-44789126114615476172012-02-17T01:04:00.001-08:002012-02-17T01:04:30.921-08:00LondonSo... Am in a hotel in London, using Grindr and a guy contacts me. Massive cock, wanting to give me a massage but it'll cost me £90. I hope I can find someone that doesn't charge.... So far, no luck. John Doehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08142751991159314073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1488431748675224772.post-34321582711897197112012-02-15T07:13:00.000-08:002012-02-15T07:13:09.248-08:00FirstSo... ill start this again as somewhere that I can write anything that I feel like...<br />
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At the moment I don't feel like writing much...<br />
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